4. Telling Your Family

This is not an approach that works for everyone but it works for me. I found it easier to talk to my family after I have a plan and all the information to answer their questions. It also helped that I had to tell my team at work first so I have a lot of practice on how to share the information in a practical and somewhat lighthearted manner. Like practicing 18 times with different people. :)

How your family reacts to the news is highly dependent on your mindset when you are sharing the news. I am also extremely grateful that I have a drama-free family when it comes to dealing with bad news. We had a lot of practice.

My mum had a fall in 2014, resulting in 3 brain surgeries in 6 months. My dad, sister and I spent a lot of time in various hospitals. The miracle is my mum is still with us and for a long time after the surgeries, she was still somewhat mobile (although cognitive abilities are not the same).

My dad had to deal with a lot of near-scares with my mum over the last 10 years and he has always taken it in a positive, stoic manner. I am sure it is a different feeling from having your daughter tell you she has cancer but he took it with the same practical manner, while also hoping that it was not cancerous.

My sister is somewhat similar. We tend to take actions and deal with situations, as opposed to wasting time on drama and what cannot be changed.

Miniature clay food art!

Having a practical, drama-free family that can deal with bad news takes a lot of stress from the patient. I am so grateful that the Tan family remained positive, practical and proactive throughout this journey.

P.S. My dad underwent a successful knee replacement surgery while I was going through chemo. He diligently did his physio before and after the surgery and is now a role model, sharing his positive experience with other senior folks at the aging centre. So proud of him!