6. Cycle #1 - Week 1

This is really hard to write, partly because I don’t want to relive the early days.

I went into chemo without knowing what to expect. I haven’t seen anyone going through chemo except for what I see on TV and in the news. So, there is a lot of trepidation.

After 4 hours in the chemo clinic, I was a little exhausted, arm was extremely sensitive, and tingling non-stop but it didn’t seem that bad. I could still eat lunch.

The eye spasms started the same night and jaw spasms the next morning. Left arm was numb and tingling non -stop and you start worrying about every tingling that you feel in your arms and legs.

Nausea wasn’t terrible for me and I did not get constipation or diarrhea.

Watercolour paintings. Started weekly art classes in my first month of chemo. Picking up a new hobby is always fun!

It got worse on Day 3, mentally. For me, the chemo meds affected my emotions. It puts me in a depression-like state and suppressed my emotions. My brain started spiraling in a negative way and I felt constantly exhausted and depressed. It felt scary and unnatural, like there’s a curtain that was blocking my emotions. I couldn’t even cry. I also became super-sensitive and way more easily upset than I normally would be.

I also got very anxious and anxiety attacks come out of the blue. I got better at dealing with it in subsequent cycles. By Day 7, there’s an almost instant change in my mood. The side effects from the infusion wears off and it’s like the “curtain” on my emotions is lifted.

It was a huge relief to feel my emotions flowing normally again.

Knowing what to expect made the subsequent cycles easier (sort of) to bear, as I know that there is an end date. Day 3-7 are still the worst days but I can now tell myself, “3 more days to go”, “I just need to survive one more day….”